"so what now? you were hot for cristen, she didn't like you, so now you're hot for hannah?"

everytime i think about that i want to cry. parents can be so cruel/mean/understanding (ha!) sometimes.

because it came from them, it drives stakes into my heart/brain and it makes me want to piss blood.

ew.

all i know is, i'm not hot for anyone. i don't get "hot" for people unless i want to FUCK. what they said really hurt me, and i still think about it, cos it makes me want to FUCKING CRY.

and it happened about a month ago. 3 weeks or something. 3 1/2 weeks. something.

i'm still upset about it. it really really hurt. I DON'T KNOW WHY.

but apparently not enough to give me fuel for poetry.

nothing gives me fuel for poetry.

or lyrics.

this lack of creativity and expression, this emptiness makes me feel... i dunno. like jumping off a tall, tall building. but how am i going to get into those in downtown tampa?

let's leave for a bit. let's run away. there will be no search party for us. let's roll around in the fall leaves and the spring flowers. let's climb trees and hold hands and laugh. let's kiss on the fort, let's kiss on the fort, let's kiss on the fort.

so. i've drank 10 cups of coffee between now and yesterday. no eat, no sleep. feel like it not. surviving on nothing but coffee and cigarettes and the hope i won't crash.

I learned some things in spanish and i'm trying to piece some things together.
monito y tengo bien dia.
ponte pantalones por favor.


See? See? I am catching on although I have no friggen clue what I just said!

i have this feeling that he's never going to write me back.
it might be okay. i have this feeling that everything is going to be okay.

it's going to be okay if she never loves me cos we are very good friends anyway. this will be okay.

can't find my john vanderslice cd, but it will be okay.

it's just, i had a dream that everything was right. but in the end i went bungee jumping just to see how it would feel jumping off a building and not dying. it's kind of a half assed job. also, i broke something. but she whispered in my ear, he was just around the bend, and my john vanderslice cd was buried in dirt below me, sticking out just so.
everything was okay. like it will be.